Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Why do I Doubt?

Every other Tuesday morning - or that is the plan anyway - I meet with three great friends here in Kigali to catch up with life, encourage each other and pray. Three of us are missionaries and one a physiotherapist and wife to the only neurosurgeon in Rwanda - 2 Canadians, a Brit and a South African - and three of us are married to Rwandans. Great mix!

Well, this morning was a time to be together again. It had been about a long time since I have been able to go with all that was happening in our lives. We had a great time of catching up... and then we prayed. We prayed for our husbands, for our kids, for Rwanda and for each other.

We  had finished praying and well, this is where my doubt comes in. You see when we were praying, God clearly gave me a picture of the umbilical cord wrapped around Anita's baby. I sat there after we had prayed and were saying our good-byes and I argued with God... was what I saw really true? I DID get up the nerve to say that I needed to pray for protection for the baby as I had this sense that all was not well somehow. Valerie and I pressed into some prayer for Anita and the baby.

Again, we chatted as we were about to leave. God would not let my heart rest but I continued to doubt. What if? What if the visual I had was not from God? More chatting...

I finally blurted out what I had seen. Val looked at me and said that she had seen a picture of the cord wrapped as well. Oh God, how could I doubt you?? We pressed into some serious prayer again and then we hugged good-byes and left each other until next time.

Anita called me tonight.
Her husband's uncle had come to see them tonight and before he left, he prayed for Anita and their family. In his prayer, he thanked God for the curse that had already been broken over the baby earlier in the day. That what Satan had meant for evil, that God had prevailed and the victory was already won for the baby's life. He had no idea of the prayer time earlier in the day.

Why do I doubt God?
Why do I doubt that God can and will reveal things to me if I seek him?
Why do I doubt him when he does reveal things to me?
Where is my confidence?

This is definitely not the first time I have been in this exact situation. God has used me like this before in my life but it has been sometime. God, I want to be open. I want to be used by you... give me the courage to have faith and trust in who you are.
Help me not to doubt!

1 comment:

Ken said...

Thanks for sharing this Jen. I've been doing lots of praying these past few days =) and it's encouraging to hear stories like this.

Miss ya! Glad things are going well!