Feelings and Thinking...

 So I'm plowing through my friend Jon's book on Deliverance. 

It's book you read in chunks, stop to ponder, then pick it up again. The book is pretty inclusive, has great insight, definitely theologically sound ... more like a textbook of deliverance of sorts - a must read for all interested for sure. 

Anyways... the 'chunk' of reading this morning - MESSED ME UP!!! 

Chapter 13 - The Deep Healing and the Deliverance Model pg. 172 / 173 

Jon's walking me, the reader, through the deliverance model of Charles H. Kraft - and he writes... 

'.... Kraft also holds to the fact that much of the time inner healing must go back to even before birth. This idea based on some psychological theories that the baby is affected both by the mother's feelings and thinking and also by the desire of the kingdom of darkness to attack those made in the image of God, even before birth...' 

FEELINGS and THINKING 

I know that trauma impacts the development of a baby but this add a whole new layer for me - feelings and thinking. What a woman thinks or feels during her pregnancy, impacts the spiritual development of this child. 

My mind floods with SO many Rwandan women which I know, that curse the thought of being pregnant yet again. I know that words have great power ... and that is so important in life but the very feelings and thinking of a mom to the baby. SO many layers - some physical, some biological, some emotional, some spiritual... 

Gosh no wonder the kids we minister to, the teenagers, the women, the men... have some deep seeded issues. How many of them have been carrying their moms thoughts and feelings from birth - about their pending arrival into this world?

I have lived in Rwanda for 17-1/2 years. I well know there are many factors in peoples lives here that make it very difficult for them to live, believe in, hope for a whole, transformed life.... this just adds a few more layers to try to understand better and find our way through. 

God help us. 

If you're interested in the book... sold on Amazon. 

Until We Think Globally

So this morning I'm doing some reading in preparation for some teaching I am doing this coming weekend on Women and Leadership. The following quote jumped off the page at me. 

The context is the gospel and women  ... 

'... Until we go global, we can never be sure of our question, much less the answers we affirm.' 

Carolyn Curtis James (Half the Church) 

THIS!!! 

The group of women that will be gathered on Sunday evening are privileged Rwandans. They are middle class. They all have jobs. They believe that God has called them to lead in their companies / organizations / churches ... and they do. They are all being mentored to be more like Christ, to be leaning into His leading and be obedient in following as they grow and develop the gifts that God has given them to use in the Kingdom. 

Pretty great scenario, right!!!

BUT!!! 

What comes to my mind is how I struggle to get them to embrace the whole gospel. 

Not only that they were created by God with purpose, that He desires a full relationship with them through believing that Jesus died for all people for all sin, that through the Holy Spirit their life is in ongoing transformation and that He wants them to be part part of bringing His Kingdom here on earth... that's the easy part. 

The hard part ... that they are just as valued and have the same worth, the same standing as men in the kingdom.  

So much that is written by women for women embraces just this. It seems that women need to write / speak about their less than, their sins and redemption, about how they overcame their insecurities, being a Proverbs 31 woman with kids and a husband, write a cookbook or have the latest journal with adult colouring pages. 

Compare that to the books that men write ... theology, leadership, mission. 

Don't get me wrong ... all can be needed and most helpful, but why the division?

I was talking just the other day to a friend about the great lack of books written by women based on theology. 

Why is this? 

I think in the west we have believed a lie that God only speaks to men, that God only uses men for the most important things in life, that some how females are less than. 

Now leave the west and come to developing countries ... where women are oppressed culturally and socially - the 'less than' is on steroids. 

This is garbage ... bogus theology. A lie that women believe over and over.

I think it's time for an African woman to write about the whole gospel - about how it's global and that how the gospel doesn't change no matter where you live in the world, what social class you are, what colour your skin is. 

The gospel we believe has got to fit and be able to be embraced by everyone living in this world today. 

A gospel that reaches the depths - not just of sin, but also the deepest hardships which people live. We need to believe that is has the same transformative power no matter where one was born, what social class one fits or what gender they are. 

Is the gospel I believe as Jesus intended it or have I made up / accepted a gospel that only fits a certain demographic?

What questions are we asking to make sure the gospel we believe in, is as Jesus taught... and where are our answers coming from? 

Sunday's coming ... and I'm excited!

The Day that Wasn’t

June 19

I have known for some time that this day would not be what it was to be - kids writing their last exams at school while Serge and I are up before dawn scrambling to ensure life is sorted to hit an airport about 5pm for our home assignment in Canada. 

Today is part of my grieving and loss processing. 

There will be no Canada this year as a family. It will be the first time we haven’t been back every two years. Not sure what to make of it. I am most grateful that my immediate family came out late last year. What a gift that was... and it lessens this loss for sure but... 

Letting go is hard. 

I thought I had this sorted but alas I don’t as I sit here in tears writing this. Serge and I do live life with a healthy sense of ‘no control’ and believe wholeheartedly that Gods plans are best... and that we live in a broken world... but sometimes what is asked is on the verge of seemingly too much. Sigh

Not sure I like the indefinite of not seeing family and friends... gosh that's a hard thought. Not just for us to go to Canada but for visitors / teams to come here. 

What am I letting go of... 

The longest time we would have had in Canada to date - 9 full weeks! 

Hugging the necks of all my family and having crazy fun times 

Lovely long chats with dear friends 

An epic trip to Western Canada to see friends, supporters and sights

Eating a lot of ice cream 

BBQs on decks

Long summer nights

Going for peaceful walks where people don’t stare at me

Wild flowers beside the road 

Sweet corn - we can’t eat enough of it 

Strawberries, Black Cherries, Peaches, Raspberries, plums... eat some, or a lot, for me!

CHEESE - all the kinds!! 

Driving the back roads to see all everyday life

Flipping through sale flyers 

Drive thrus

Going shopping and finding a list of stuff in ONE store - and they actually have it all! 

Time at the lake - fishing, tubing, coffee in the dock 

Making so many family memories 

Not to mention we don’t know the next time we can buy 

maple syrup

Nuts- walnuts, pecans, almonds

Advil cold and sinus (Serge and I both suffer from sinus headaches), 

underwear, clothes, shoes

Christmas / birthday presents

books

Those few home decor pieces from HomeSense or The Mercantile

Duct tape 

Ziplock bags 

Chocolate chips 

Craisins 
Cream of tartar 
Strawberry jello 
Dry mustard 
Black pepper 
Frying pans 
Staples for the staple gun

And whatever other treats for the corners of the suitcases to be rationed for the next two years. 

I know this is all stuff... and we can survive without it all (but not the Advil - ARG!). 

This is my June 19, 2020. 

I need to get myself sorted. 

Beni is about done his online class. Serge left early this morning to drive a few hours north to say goodbye to a dying uncle and Isabella went with him to visit a friend there. It will the first time she’s seeing a friend since early March. I want to see if Beni can see a friend this weekend too. And my coffee is getting cold. 

I know this... God is good, faithful, patient and gracious. I trust in all that today through my sadness and tears. 

Tomorrow is another day and Gods mercies will be new again.

Day of the African Child

June 16

On this day in 1976, nearly ten thousand black students from Soweto, South Africa, marched the streets to protest the poor quality of their education. Hundreds of these innocent students were shot by security forces. The two week protest that followed was called the Soweto Uprising and many lost their lives or were badly injured.

Since 1991, the Day of the African Child, has been celebrated on June 16 to commemorate those killed during the Soweto Uprising in South Africa and to recognize the courage of the students who marched for their right to an education.

For me … this day of the African Child is an opportunity to raise awareness for the ongoing need to improve the education of children living in Rwanda.

Children represent a large percentage of the Rwandan population, with 42.9% of the population between ages 0 and 14 and the median age of 18.8.

In addition, children make up 83.5 percent of Rwanda’s rural population, often living in very vulnerable circumstances.

Serge and I are very committed to education in Rwanda. Since 2004, we have supported education in all shapes and sizes:

Teaching street kids to hold a pencil to form letters to write their name for the first time

Building a library in the Kiziba Refugee Camp and stocking it with thousands of books and staff to support teachers, students, pastors, English classes in the camp

Giving stipends to refugee teachers to teach students in the camp.

Tutoring students

Computer classes

Paying school fees for many students along with school supplies, uniforms, transport, pocket money - primary, secondary and university levels

Mentoring high school students

Holiday programs to learn the Bible, develop character and have some fun

Sunday school learning - belonging to a community

Serge always says ... 'To BREAK cycles of poverty, we MUST educate.'

Education is knowledge.

Education brings power.

Education gives opportunities.

Education stabilizes families.
Education changes a country.

So on this day... as I reflect on all the 'educational activities' which we are involved with here in Rwanda ... I'm blessed and humbled. 

I know without a doubt that lives are being changed forever... this country is being changed forever.

Evening Reflections ...

It's the evening of April 7th. 

It's been 24 hours since the plane was shot down and roadblocks were erected to start the end of the decades journey to a genocide - 26 years ago.

One million+ people would be killed in 100 days. 

It was the rainy season. 

This afternoon it rained and my mind wondered just how people survived. 

How does one hide in a swamp, up a tree, in tall grasses as it's raining out? 

It would be cold, muddy, slippery, isolating, terrifying... 

A week or so ago they found another mass grave. 

They say it could contain 30,000 people. 

Just how does one wrap their mind around that? 

It continues to be all a bit hard to imagine, though I've heard so many real life stories from real people who have survived. 

Today because of COVID-19, Rwanda could not gather together to remember, unite and renew physically but we were together in spirit. 

It was a quiet day. I'm not sure I heard the birds sing today. 

My mind and heart are heavy for all those who survived. 

Those who are alone. 

Those that don't have people to encourage, bring life, and just sit with them ... 

God have mercy. 

Rwandans are resilient people but the trauma is deep. 

Only God can put His hand on ones soul and heal. 

God, continue to heal this land.

White Privelege

So this morning as I scrolled through my Facebook, my eye caught a post that triggered some judgement inside of me. 

It was over calling for a truck of water. 

There have been many times that we have been out of water or have had very limited water. 

Out of water - meaning we have had to send people on a bicycle or by hand to carry 20 litre jerry cans full of water back to our house so we could wash dishes, flush a toilet, cook some food. 

Limited water - meaning we don't have any water to our upstairs, no laundry is being down and IF one must have shower it's with a bucket and applying the age old rule - 'If it's yellow, let it mellow and if it's brown, flush it down. 

Is the ability to call for a truck of water - about 60,000 rwf for 5000+ litres white privilege? 

Yes I know that I am the first to say that when one is living cross culture, you must know what your limits / breaking point is. What is too much to bear? 

And that some days it varies. 

Some days going without water is just fine and other days - well, it's going to do you in. 

But what about my neighbours who haul 20 litre jerry cans every day? 

They do not have a water line to their house or a well or a water storage tank for that matter. 

They do not have the financial resources to call the water truck 

White privilege... it is something to be reckoned with indeed. 

So accept my repentance of judgement ... maybe calling the truck was to bring life and some breathing space in their life this week. 

White privilege ... it's real.

If you're white, what do you recognize are your white privilege today?

Using our dmFPC!

So I'm reading John Ortberg's book, 'Soul Keeping - Caring for the Most Important Part of You'... 

There is all kinds of good stuff in it (pick it up and read it if you haven't already!) but something this morning that just affirmed ... gave me a little more understanding. 

He was talking about how we are made / wired to bless others and what research has found out about our brains. One part of our brain sees and has some empathy when we see someone suffering but it does not predict selflessness / response.

IF another part of our brain is active (the dmFPC...whatever...) THEN ... 

pg. 159. 

'It turns out that we are most likely to actually help someone, not simply when we seem them suffering, but when we also consider ourselves 'attached' to them. 

Seeing suffering does not move me to act if I think of the person as 'him'. 

But when I think of that person as part of 'us', part of 'me', then I am moved to bless. Jesus may have been speaking quite literally when he said, 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' 

With all the hurt and many solvable issues going on in the world.. and people ... people who say they are followers of Jesus don't respond ... it's because they are not 'attached', not considering 'us'.... not using ALL their brain!

I know I somehow have a front row seat to this all living in a developing country BUT ... we're all made in the image of God ... and we all have brains. 

Let's get the right parts of our brain working! 

Work on connecting ... seeing people as Jesus would want us to see them... using our dmFPC!

When your 12 year old reminds you...

So this morning ... last day of school here ... Isabella is running at the last minute to gather up some donations for a school drive - clothes and shoes for a children's home here. 

I see her pass with two dresses that she has grown out of and a few pairs of shoes. 

The dresses ... beautiful, party dresses that she has worn for Christmas and multiple weddings - all shiny and sparkly and fun. 

I was about to open my mouth and say that maybe she had some other clothes that she would like to give away. That maybe those dresses could be given to some younger cousins. 

But I thank God I caught myself! Seriously!! 

She had picked the most beautiful things to give to the most vulnerable. 

Not just the nice dresses but the most beautiful ones. 

I couldn't help but smile as I thought of two young girls being able to twirl in sparkle and lace. 

I was also deeply reminded to always give the best. 

May the receivers of these dress know they are wonderfully made, loved by God and worthy. 

Isabella I love you!

Dreams...

This morning my FaceBook feed had a video that made me cry. 

A video of Tim Hortons bringing the only hockey team in Africa to Canada to play another team... because they had no one to play against on the African continent. 

It made me proud to be Canadian. 

It made me cry because I thought of my own son Beni. 

What he wouldn't do to play hockey. 

I'm still debating if I show him this or not as we might be moving to Kenya tomorrow! 

He's only been on skates once, and he thought he was amazing! 

(Still HUGE thanks to two teenage boys who skated / glided him endlessly around that rink one New Years Eve almost 4 years ago.) 

I've made sure we watch any hockey we can - I miss watching it ... - usually the winter Olympics when it's in 'our' time zones 

Some of his most prized possessions are his sticks... 

I think he was about 5 years and we were waiting to board the plane in Kigali to Canada and he burst out crying. The reason... he had forgot to pack his mini sticks. I assured him there were many more in Canada. 

There are no ice rinks in Rwanda so his chances of playing ice hockey are slim. 

He'll have to stick with his stick, ball and make shift goals. 

But it DOES remind me of all the things that I never dreamed possible for my kids ... they have had opportunities that I never dreamed possible 14 years ago. 

- playing in a school band 

- taking piano lessons 

- riding a horse

- being part of a Christmas musical production 

- taking swimming lessons 

All things that I am so blessed that they have been part of. 

So I guess... who knows really. 

Maybe Beni will realize his dream and play hockey someday. 

Liberation Day

Today is a very defining day in Rwandan history. 

24 years ago - when a line was drawn for Rwandans and the world that Rwanda would no longer be defined by colonization, segregation, and oppression.

Today we are defined by unity and a drive to have all Rwandans to be prosperous. 

Today we celebrate!

Remains 24 years later...

As I was scrolling through Twitter today... looking at the news, an entry from the New Times Rwanda caught my eye. 

Four Mass Graves of Genocide Victims in Gasabo Disctrict 

They have found the remains of 200 people and think there may be as many as 3000.

Gasabo is where we live. 

The period of mourning started on the eve of April 6th and the country will be actively remembering until July 4th, which is Liberation Day. 

I have lived in Rwanda over 14 years and it amazes me that they still find remains from the genocide. 

I then think of all the genocides that have happened since and continue to happen today around the world. 

Remains will continue to be found ... 

Such grief, such pain... When will it stop? 

Loving our Neighbour...

One week ago, the tragic bus accident involving the Humboldt Broncos occurred. To date 16 people have died and 10 are still in the hospital with varying levels of injury. 

As a small town girl from Canada... ok, I grew up on a farm! ... this hit close to home. Small town hockey teams were a part of my life and I spent many nights trying to keep warm 'in the barn.' My brothers played on multiple teams - mostly pick up and church hockey league and my youngest brother played Junior C and rode the bus all over southern Ontario. 

The local Junior B team was one many aspired to and as a family, we spent many a wintery Friday night listening to or going to watch the Kitchener Ranger Junior A team. 

Hockey is part of the fabric of Canadian life. 

Pondering all this while living in Rwanda and seeing the outpouring of Canadian compassion and pride ... my heart swells. This is where I come ...  hockey sticks put on the doorsteps, everyone sporting their favourite team jerseys and money being raised to help all in need. 

It's not lost on me that this happened on the eve of April 6th. 

Since 1994, on the eve of April 6th each year, the week of memorial starts in Rwanda - remembering 1 million people who were killed just because other people had been told by colonists that they were better than the others. It all happened in 100 days. 

This means that there were 625 Humboldt crashes EVERY DAY for 100 days in a row.

Now I know that some may argue that what happened in Rwanda was 'brewing' for decades and that is true and I won't go into all the history. I will argue that many innocent lives were taken and all was unnecessary. 

One story of many heroism stories I love, is the story of a girls school here where they came to kill and asked the classes to separate - Tutsi on one side and Hutu on the other ... and they refused to separate. 

All of them lost their lives that day. 

They make Rwanda proud to this day.

The day after the Humboldt crash, on April 7th, President Assad of Syria, ordered a chemical weapon to be used - the largest to date. Over 40 people were killed and 500+ needed medical attention.

I also know that Congo is in the worst state it has ever been and thousands are fleeing to safety.

Then there is Sudan, Central Africa Republic, most of Puerto Rico is still without power... and the list goes on... 

What I ponder is ...

'Do Canadians really see the rest of the world? 

Do they see the suffering? 

Do they understand that what goes on in the world is not 'over there' or 'they had it coming to them' or 'they are uneducated peoples' but that we do indeed live in a world where all is connected in one way or another? 

Do my fellow Canadian believers honestly seek out how God is calling them to be Jesus in response to what is happening around them - not just at home but to all people who are made in the image of God? 

How are we loving our neighbour? 

I know that from the response to Humboldt (which is overwhelming fantastic!), Canadians have it in them. 

Let's take what has happened in the Humboldt community as a point in time to reflect and evaluate personally our global knowledge and impact and our response to it. 

Loss in the J.Lynn's family...

Teddy and Grace

Last night we were watching Dolphin Tale (again!) when the phone rang. 

It was Teddy, our manager for J.Lynn's - beside herself sobbing on the other end of the phone. 

My mind raced with what tragic news she was going to tell me. 

Grace had died giving birth to her first child. 

My heart broke. 

Grace Uwimana had worked for us for a while at J.Lynn's. 

She then left us to finish her degree, move to Uganda and to get married. She married one year ago in January. 

I had been SO blessed that she had come by the shop to visit us when she was back in Rwanda. She was happy and adjusting to married life. 

She had dreams of owning her own business and I know that J.Lynn's had given her exposure and confidence in  her seeking this desire.

Grace, this world will miss your beautiful smile and easy going personality. 

She leaves behind her husband and baby. 

As I laid in bed this morning awake trying to process life, 

I commented to Serge that I didn't even want to know how she died as I'm 95% sure that what she died from was preventable. 

Oh the things that make ones mind go a bit crazy. 

Another day asking God for wisdom as the women at J.Lynn's mourn this loss. 

5 Years ago...

So you know how memory stuff pops upon on Facebook? 

I personally love it as it reminds me of all kinds of things in our life. 

The other day this popped up 

I promptly burst into tears. 

What the heck?? 

As I dug into why I had so suddenly burst into tears, I realized I was overwhelmingly blessed by our home and SO vividly aware of those in our life that do not have a 'home'. 

We've been spending days trying to track down people from the Kiziba Refugee Camp that we know and love. One trying to find out where they are and two, to see how they are doing. To this day there are a few we are still trying to contact... 

Refugees - Women, children, men, babies, teenagers, the elderly, healthy and sick ... do not have a place to call home and yet for some reason, God has allowed me to have a home that way more than enough. 

I am more than blessed.

Our family is blessed.
Many who have sat on our front porch have been blessed.

As I continued to reflect and old gospel song rolled through my head... 

'This world is not my home ... I'm just passing through ...' 

THIS is the hope and joy we live in. 

May those in our life and beyond who do not know an earthly home, know their spiritual home. 

Why Serge gets headaches...

Getting a car fixed here in Rwanda is probably one of the most nightmarish things to do. 

We have been so blessed with our current vehicle. We have had it since 2007 and we have barely done any work on it until the last year or so. It is a 1997 Land Crusier Prado... 20 years old and running on mostly original parts so... they're getting old and need to be replaced. 

The joke in Rwanda is that you go in the garage to get one thing fixed and come out with five new things that need fixing. 

Yes there is a Toyota Garage here ... but for most of us (about 75% of Rwanda drives a Toyota!) it is way out of our league. 

So Serge's headache today... getting a master cylinder fixed. 

We got the brakes fixed earlier in the week ... and they work! ... but there is still a noise. 

So, the Canadian guy who we have been going to, was not available but recommended a S.African guy who is pretty new here. Serge liked him well enough and believes what he's being told BUT now it's to get parts... 

Serge always likes to go and buy the parts so he knows he's getting an original part. 

And like everything... he has a guy.

So the garage says they can send for the part outside but it will cost 180,000 rwf ($212 USD)

We need to take a three hour drive tomorrow, so no time for that. 

Serge calls his guy - 250,000 ($295 USD) for the original or 40,000 rwf ($47 USD) for the fake!!

Serge calls another guy he knows... 220,000  ($260 USD) but maybe negotiate if you come and chat 

Cue the headache. 

Does he really need to go back to town and sort this? 

Is 'his guy', who claims he is a Christian buying from the second guy and pocketing money? 

Sometimes I tell Serge he over thinks... but I get it. 

He doesn't like spending money on the car .. and yet it's necessary 

Why can't people just be trust worthy? 

Cause is the 'original' actually an 'original'? 

Only God knows ... 

Choosing Real - Part two

The night we drove home from seeing our sister cousin alive for the last time, Serge and I had a very intense conversation full of frustration at the Rwandan church, helplessness in knowing that there was nothing we could say that would bring hope, in disbelief that those who love Jesus, who are leaders in churches and ministries here could not choose real - choose eternity. 

Trust me, we were around it all - multiple times!! Ha! 

As we arrived home, we knew that we could only pray and then be there to pick up the pieces after. I knew in my deepest part of me that it was only a matter of time. (Sometimes the gift of discernment isn't a great gift to have...)

I had tried to share what was on my heart about God being just as real, powerful, all knowing, present in this very difficult and challenging time, as he is on any mountaintop or miracle. They didn't buy it. They were 100% sure that God was going to heal.  

Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe that God heals but it's not for us to know when - this life or when we see him face to face.

And that is where Serge and I went off... health and wealth gospel, blessing is for here and now, have we ever heard a sermon on death, you wouldn't dare talk about death... sigh. 

Choosing real... we all will die one day. God tells us that before we are born our days are numbered.. that not one of us can add a day to our lives. 

I shared with Serge that saying we have in the N. America - 'The only two sure things in life are death and taxes.' He thought that was a good one. 

Why do we think that here and now is the best? 

Yes, it absolutely sucks to lose someone we love so dearly. Trust me I still cry sometimes when I think of my dad and he's been with Jesus almost 10 years. I miss him!

Loss and grief are real. 

But it doesn't make it wrong or evil. 

It's what we choose in the midst of it.... and how we choose to live our life as we journey onward.

This is all contrasted by my sister in law Sherri and brother Lyndon. In the incredible depth of everything (I don't even know what words would be accurate to use to embrace it all) they choose eternity and are doing their best to live in that every day - as hard as it is to live in the earthly unknown, they dig deep and choose to live in the real of eternity.  

Serge and I know that as the weeks and months pass, we have a challenge ahead of us, to bring up that conversation with his family and whoever else God brings across our path.
Let's commit to live real.

Choosing Real

A friend visiting Rwanda left me this book earlier this year. 

I picked it up mid July and finished it this morning. 

It had me from the intro... 

'...I was keenly aware that every circumstance, person, and feeling is an invitation to see God's genuine heart in the middle of it. 

Choosing Real is opting to see how present Jesus is in real-life circumstances. Choosing Real is not about putting on one's big girl panties. It's not about being strong, pep talking, or reciting the words, 'Let's do this.' Choosing Real trust God has a beautiful plan in the mess, in the scary, in the unknown, in the tears and in not feeling enough... 

Authentic... is a synonym for Jesus.' 

After reading that,  I promptly ordered one for a friend and told another friend she had to get herself to Amazon and get herself one... 

See, I knew that the three of us were on very different journeys and yet were so the same. 

We are all seeking God with our hearts to be real and authentic in the mess, the scary, the unknown of what was ... and is still happening in our lives. 

About a month before, our family had found out that our dear sister in law Sherri was diagnosed with cancer... the kind that only a miracle cures. 

Two weeks later, we find out that Serge's sister cousin also has cancer... again, the kind that only a miracle will cure.  August 8th, Kunda died leaving a husband and three young children.  

Serge was at a wedding meeting when they got the message. He came home to pick me up to go to the hospital. Prince left his friends good bye party to come home to be with Isabella and Beni. And the night unfolded from there ... bringing Kwizera, Kunda's husband, to our house for the night. (The kids were at an aunties' out of the city). The next night saw the three kids come to our house ... nothing like having a father tell his kids that their mommy was with Jesus ... or your kids embracing / comforting their cousins aged 8, 5 and 2. They stayed with us for a week. 

Did I mention we had a short-term team on the ground too...  

Lots of mess, lots of scary, lots of unknown, lots of tears .... 

But I KNOW that over the years I have leaned into being more real - living real. 

Reading this book during this season of my life has only given me the reassurance that I'm not crazy, that all the digging deep into why God has created me is for real ... in all the hardships, all the challenges, all the feelings of helplessness... is real. That life is not about getting 'out' of all the things that are hard to get to the mountain top.. that place where one breathes easier and feels that they can put their feet up for a bit and wonders when the next life altering event will happen. 

But it's about showing up every day to whatever is in the day and knowing and trusting that God is there ; working - for, in and through us. 

Even when you are crying out to God to show you how to help children sort out that mommy is with Jesus. 

Even when you're 6000 miles away from immediate family in the midst of a very difficult journey. 

What I own is that there is no there... there is only here. 

And here is where I choose real.... trusting God for all that comes. 

Liberation Day

As Serge and I were waking up this morning, I asked him what it was like on this morning 23 years ago.

'Well, it was a day like any other except there was a weight that was lifted. We knew that we still had much to do to secure the country and contain the trouble areas but we also knew that the enemy would never overpower us again.'

Today is Rwanda Liberation Day.
23 years ago was the official end to the 100 day genocide which saw 1,000,000 people killed.

Rwanda celebrates today.
We celebrate peace, unity and progressive development.
May God continue to be gracious.

Serge is just one of the faces of liberation ...

Time of Year

I really didn't understand what was going on in my life until a day or two ago. 

Life has been a little more busy then usual - house girl had a baby so no help at home, opening a new shop, cooking at a retreat for the Wellspring Academy graduates, visitors ... and all the rest of life. 

I also have this big monkey hanging on my back... getting out our newsletter or at least doing a prayer update. Just cannot get myself sorted and find enough creative energy to do it / them. 

They are still not done but it finally hit me what was up in my life. 

You see... it's that time of year. 

There is about a 6 - 8 week window in our lives each year that our life seems to be full of good-byes. Some days it feels like it's all we are doing. 

We say good- bye to people whom we have lived life with here for a year, two years... 10 years. 

Our kids say good-bye to their friends. 

They all leave for good things. 

Contracts are up. 

Projects are completed. 

Kids are moving on in school. 

Parents are ageing. 

Graduate school. 

So we wish them nothing but the best in life. 

We know that people are always in our life for a season - no matter where we are in the world. 

But it's still hard. 

This year again, it seems like it's too much. Not only my own grief of friends leaving but my kids as well. Sometimes my heart breaks with how many times my kids have had to say good-bye in life. 

So... somehow to find the energy and courage to write about what is happening in our life here - well, it's just not easy. 

However, with this recognition, I'm hoping and praying that I've turned a corner and you'll be hearing from us soon!!

Food Cuts for Refugees AGAIN!!

On Sunday at church I asked Benjamin how his trip to the refugee camp was during the week. 

It was good but did I hear the latest? 

No... what was it? 

Food rations will be cut up to 40% starting with May. 

WHAT??!! 

Now each refugee person receives the following per month.

12.3 kg maize (kernels / not ground)

3.6 kg dry beans

0.9 L cooking oil

600 g soap

150 g salt

Now this will be cut by 40%. 

There are three refugee camps in Rwanda which receive money each month instead of food... 6200 rwf ($7.43 USD) per person. 

They will now receive 2800 rwf ($3.35 USD) per person. 

That is 

3kg of sugar OR  

9 kg of potatoes OR 

5kg of dried beans OR 

5.5 kg of carrots OR 

2 kg of flour 

for the ENTIRE month! 

When I went online to see what I could find.... 

I found the following joint press release by the UN (United Nations) and the WFP (World Food Program) from February 20, 2017... 

I can't imagine a person surviving on less than they already are. 

My mind whirls at the repercussions of that - more malnutrition, crime, prostitution, etc.

Then I think of the refugee students who ITRwanda has sponsored - who have completed high school or are about to... and the few have complete university and have a job. 

They have broken the cycle and are able to support their families through these increasingly desperate times. 

I can't even imagine what the situations will be in camps dealing with Syrian and South Sudanese Refugees ... 

The Executive Director of the World Food Programme (WFP), Ertharin Cousin, and the UN High Commissioner for Refugees, Filippo Grandi, are very concerned that critical shortages in food assistance are affecting some 2 million refugees in 10 countries across Africa.

The shortages could worsen in coming months without new resources to meet food needs.

The number of refugees in Africa nearly doubled from 2.6 million in 2011 to nearly 5 million in 2016. While donor funding for refugee assistance increased during this period, it did not keep pace with rapidly rising needs. As a result, the humanitarian response is significantly underfunded. This has forced cuts in food assistance for some groups of refugees.

The two agency heads warn that food shortages will have dire consequences on the health and protection of such vulnerable people, unless more support is urgently made available.

“We can’t imagine how difficult life is for thousands of refugee families with no food, and often denied the possibility to work or provide for themselves in other ways. Refugees are extraordinarily resilient, but cuts in food assistance – sometimes as high as 50 percent – are having a devastating impact on the health and nutrition of thousands of families,” said UNHCR’s Grandi. “The right to food is a basic human right. We are working with WFP to ensure that no refugee goes to sleep hungry, but support has to come quickly.”

Click to read the remainder of the release...