June 19
I have known for some time that this day would not be what it was to be - kids writing their last exams at school while Serge and I are up before dawn scrambling to ensure life is sorted to hit an airport about 5pm for our home assignment in Canada.
Today is part of my grieving and loss processing.
There will be no Canada this year as a family. It will be the first time we haven’t been back every two years. Not sure what to make of it. I am most grateful that my immediate family came out late last year. What a gift that was... and it lessens this loss for sure but...
Letting go is hard.
I thought I had this sorted but alas I don’t as I sit here in tears writing this. Serge and I do live life with a healthy sense of ‘no control’ and believe wholeheartedly that Gods plans are best... and that we live in a broken world... but sometimes what is asked is on the verge of seemingly too much. Sigh
Not sure I like the indefinite of not seeing family and friends... gosh that's a hard thought. Not just for us to go to Canada but for visitors / teams to come here.
What am I letting go of...
The longest time we would have had in Canada to date - 9 full weeks!
Hugging the necks of all my family and having crazy fun times
Lovely long chats with dear friends
An epic trip to Western Canada to see friends, supporters and sights
Eating a lot of ice cream
BBQs on decks
Long summer nights
Going for peaceful walks where people don’t stare at me
Wild flowers beside the road
Sweet corn - we can’t eat enough of it
Strawberries, Black Cherries, Peaches, Raspberries, plums... eat some, or a lot, for me!
CHEESE - all the kinds!!
Driving the back roads to see all everyday life
Flipping through sale flyers
Drive thrus
Going shopping and finding a list of stuff in ONE store - and they actually have it all!
Time at the lake - fishing, tubing, coffee in the dock
Making so many family memories
Not to mention we don’t know the next time we can buy
maple syrup
Nuts- walnuts, pecans, almonds
Advil cold and sinus (Serge and I both suffer from sinus headaches),
underwear, clothes, shoes
Christmas / birthday presents
books
Those few home decor pieces from HomeSense or The Mercantile
Duct tape
Ziplock bags
Chocolate chips
Craisins
Cream of tartar
Strawberry jello
Dry mustard
Black pepper
Frying pans
Staples for the staple gun
Cream of tartar
Strawberry jello
Dry mustard
Black pepper
Frying pans
Staples for the staple gun
And whatever other treats for the corners of the suitcases to be rationed for the next two years.
I know this is all stuff... and we can survive without it all (but not the Advil - ARG!).
This is my June 19, 2020.
I need to get myself sorted.
Beni is about done his online class. Serge left early this morning to drive a few hours north to say goodbye to a dying uncle and Isabella went with him to visit a friend there. It will the first time she’s seeing a friend since early March. I want to see if Beni can see a friend this weekend too. And my coffee is getting cold.
I know this... God is good, faithful, patient and gracious. I trust in all that today through my sadness and tears.
Tomorrow is another day and Gods mercies will be new again.
2 comments:
Your many examples put a human face on your situation. For us, a New Brunswick visit is a non-starter right now but your loss is greater and definitely more poignant.
Thanks for the post. :-)
Came across this post by accident today. Our situation is very different, but I can relate. You will be in my prayers. This is a time learn what it is to lament.
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