Yup.. going to dive into this one.
The other night, Serge and I BOTH spent a few hours on the phone talking to different people on two different continents about their marriage crisis. Both calls were random in the sense that they weren't scheduled. They weren't unexpected as we have know the people and have journeyed with them both for some time.
Just feeling the need to throw this all out there .. and this is completely from my perspective...
Marriage is work. There is NO way around that one.
Someone said to me years about that 'Marriage is not to make us happy but to make us holy.'
I SO think that is true.
When you're in a marriage relationship, the other person gets to know you better than anyone else ever has and well... it's not just the nice stuff. It's the crap too - all the insecurities, the stuff that 'we' think is important, the selfishness, the 'stuff' from the past, and the list goes on ...
IF we dig into marriage, it makes us a better person... iron sharpens iron, the rough edges are somehow smoothed over.
Then throw in cross - culture.
What I DO KNOW is that one can be in a cross-cultural marriage in their their own culture .. just because you're both the same colour, and grew up in the same country, doesn't mean there aren't cross-cultural differences. And actually... I think this one is the hardest as most don't expect it - We're the same right??!! NOT!
I am in a cross -cultural marriage - different countries, different colour of skin.
My best friend here in Rwanda is also in a cross-cultural marriage.
We both talk to SO many young women who are 'interested' in marrying cross-cultural, ie. guys are interested in them or they have developed a significant relationship with a guy here. What we both know for sure is this... 'IF the guy has not traveled to your homeland or a country which is similar and become somewhat familiar with it BEFORE he met you, there is HIGH potential that your marriage will not bode well for you.' As you can imagine this is not welcome news to most ...
This is a generalization but man do we see that truth over and over and over...
It doesn't mean that differences can't be overcome and that strong marriage foundation can't be made and that they both can fight (in the good sense) for what is good and right and honorable in a godly marriage relationship. But so often... culture clouds the vow of marriage - this is what I know, this is how I was raised, and what will my family or friends say.
Serge and I are both praying hard that what we spoke last evening to these individuals will give them the courage to fight for what they believe in... that they want to save their marriage come hell or high water (pardon my French as they say... ).
I thank God for my marriage. Yes, it's cross - cultural in every sense of the word but we're in life together come what may and we're committed to make our marriage the best it can be. I'm just blessed that Serge doesn't shy away from talking ... even when it's HARD... well, usually it's me shying away from dealing with conflict. Talk about marriage making one holy. Just saying...